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‘queen of the rococo’

February 12, 2013

q u e e n   o f   t h e   r o c o c o

Hey guys! I’m introducing a new feature to my blog; ‘queen of rococo’. I am bringing ‘queen of rococo’ to you because I really believe it should be shared with the world.

The mastermind behind this feature is my dear friend Samuel. Samuel is super intelligent, he is an academic and I’m pretty sure his main area of study is cinema. Every now and then Sam has been known to post images from recent award shows on facebook followed by his own commentaries; which are highly entertaining. Basically Sam’s thoughts on what the celebrities are wearing.

This first one is from the recent BAFTA – British Academy of Film and Television Arts.

I’m basically copy and pasting from his facebook page. By the way all images are from google images. Not mine and not Sam’s. Enjoy.

ok so it is bafta time! the baftas are my favourite from the award season, mainly because they are english so i associate them with elegance and class. although being someone who is half-british and therefore grew up with a lot of british people and culture, i should know that the british are generally anything BUT elegant and classy. anyway, in my mind they are still sophisticated and if i was going to win an award i think i would like it to be a bafta, preferably in the best supporting actress category (screw you hathaway! that award is mine!), because that would come as a surprise to everyone, including myself as i can’t actually act.
also, because MB is too lazy to do his own research, this time i am providing the names of the contenders and the gowns they are wearing. i hope you are happy matt! i am working my fingers to the bone for you!
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helen mirren. nicholas oakwell couture.

the dress is wrong. the colour is washed out, the floral motif looks cheap,the cut is frumpy, and despite the fact that she was inspired to dye her hair pink from america’s next top model, the hair really does look bizarre. but she spent most of her stint on the red carpet twirling and it is hard to zing someone who is super talented, clearly loves life, and doesn’t give a fuck what any of us think. we love you helen mirren. please never change.

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zawe ashton. julien macdonald.some who should have changed is this young lady. although i recognised her from the misfits, when i wikipedia-ed her it came up that she was mainly known for her work in st. trinian’s 2: the legend of fritton’s gold. you know your acting career is in trouble when that happens. anyway, i am over this idea that with illusion netting you can wear both long and short dresses at the same time. pick one and stick with it please. but also, the embroidery??? it looks like she tramped through a swamp to get to the baftas! is covered in slime and mouldy lily-pads?
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anne hathaway. burberry.when i saw the thumbnail i thought she had a bedazzled torso. and i love bedazzled torsos! i am only human. but when i zoomed in, to my horror i realised these are not rhinestones. it looks as if someone has attached the dress to her by sticking metal thumb tacs to her body. oh hathaway. surely there are more creative, and less painful, ways to express your love of iron maiden without actually becoming an iron maiden.
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sarah jessica parker. elie saab (a jumpsuit no less!)haha!


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alice eve. alessandra rich.the person in the background to sjp is alice eve, who is primarily known for her role in sex and the city 2. that is taking your love of figure skating to the extreme. it is hideous. that cut out?? what is that supposed to be?? does symbolise fire? is she on fire? does it mean that the black flames of desire are slowly consuming her. which … ok, fair enough, but do you need to express that at he baftas??
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helena bonham carter.helena bonham carter is someone who actually annoys me. i mean, i get that she is wacky and loves looking deranged but it would be nice to see her looking normal. and voila! this is still very her but so, so lovely. even the fur accessory is perfect for that. and i never actually realised how beautiful and striking her face actually is. simply put: delightful.
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paloma faith. nicholas oakwell.i actually really love this dress. so sparkly! but who cares about that. if i had that hair (or at least had enough human hair extensions taken from the eastern bloc) i would have this coiffure every single day of the year.
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marion cotillard. dior haute couture.be prepared for a rant. this has to be one of the most hideous dresses i have ever seen. it is dior. it disgraces the name. that colour is very hard to pull off that colour. in fact, the only person i know who pulled it off was the amazing dior chartuese nicole kidman wore to the oscars in 1997. here, it is heinous. but the design makes her look really bloated. but that is not the worst of it. THE CUT OUT??!! what. the. fuck?? it seriously looks like the dress is falling apart. it looks lopsided. it looks cheap. i HATE this so much! it is giving me serious angry hands!
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i have to post another one just to show how vile this is. WE ARE NOT AMUSED COTILLARD! i put a pox on everyone – the designer, the seamstress, and cotillard – for bringing this dress to the public consciousness!
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jennifer lawrence. dior haute couture.did you know when you google jennifer lawrence, one of the first predictive texts that comes up is ‘jennifer lawrence weight’. that is unfortunate. the dress underneath is plain but still very closely and i don’t know if the coat is also dior but sister: NO. i know it was cold but suck it up bitch. i expect you to look amazing on the red carpet, not like your are wearing your boyfriend’s jacket.
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thandie newton. louis vuitton.helloooooo 80s!! this makes her breasts look tenny tiny and her hips mammoth. i doubt that was what she was trying to achieve.
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jack whitehall and gemma chan. i actually couldn’t figure out what either of them were wearing.chocolate and sequins coming together. what is not to love??!! gemma had an awkward moment on the red carpet when she accidentally flashed her knickers to everyone. but i am not going to show that. i may be a bitch but i am not mean.

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amy adams. elie saab.so when i saw this a few weeks ago, i thought. how lovely. it is very, VERY saab – beaded, intricate top, lots of dress at the bottom – but still pretty. and on the model it sat wonderfully. but when it is on adams, who is not a model and actually has breasts, something weird is happening. is it just me or does it look like she has some sort of horrendous, flesh-eating skin disease creeping across her bosom? that is all i can see now and i am breaking out shudders.

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gemma arterton. celia krithariori.she looks liked a bored bumble bee.

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andrea riseborough. vivenne westwood couture.

first off i have to say i watched W.E., in which andrea stars as wallis simpson. i feel so wrong for saying this but madonna did a half decent job directing. it was very fashion orientated and focused on some beautiful textures and made me vow to myself that i will now only buy expensive things. not a bad feat. here, i don’t know. again, it is a dress that screams the signature of the designer but it doesn’t really seem to fit. also the black finger nails and black hair? hmmmmmm.

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jessica chastain. roland mouret.

god, she is boring. i think she may be the new sienna miller. anyway, i love this photo. it looks like she has sprouted wings but only on one side of her body. this dress is lovely, and that colour: HELLO!! but even still, it is kind of boring.

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laura bailey. roksanda ilinic.

i don’t know who this person is. after googling her i still don’t really know who she is or why she was the baftas. but honey, it is a publicity opportunity! at least make some sort of effort!

well, that is it from me, lovers of fashion. and no, i won’t be commentating on the grammies. according to the simpsons, the grammies are not a real award so therefore, in my mind the grammies didn’t actually happen.
- sam. queen of rococo

 

 

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